A lot of big things happened last year. Not nearly all of them bad, but not all of them good either.

One of the relatively small changes was my official end of my New Year’s resolutions posts. I sat there, on New Year’s Eve, wondering what kind of things I wanted to accomplish and looking back at how 2017 had been. And, for the life of me, I could not see clearly the way to move forward. This tradition started for me about a decade ago, back in the days of Myspace (yes, that’s how old this is) and I just wanted to take a break from the poetry and reflect. What it became was a vain attempt at proving that I’m still “doing things” and moving forward in life.

I don’t think I have the capacity to do that anymore.

This doesn’t mean that I won’t be continuing to write poetry (I’m about to post a new poem after I finish this post, as a matter of fact) nor that I don’t think I should take time to reflect. But if I am honest with myself, these resolutions aren’t doing their job.

I haven’t spent time returning to these posts to think about it, or make plans to accomplish even one of the goals I had set for myself. Even coming back to them the following New Year’s Eve, I felt like I would just be making excuses, not actually doing something. It was too vague, and I meant it to be so. Thus, I’m going to stop.

In a way, this is entirely refreshing. I’m in my thirties now, I have to wisely spend the spiritual currency life has dispensed to me. So I sit here, looking back at the dumpster fire that was the year 2017, and I think “Well, it can’t very much get a whole lot worse.” And then I quickly knock on wood somewhere.

Stay tuned for more poetry, and thanks to those of you who have been here all along. Onwards and upwards, friends.

MSBQ

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Feeling Nostalgic

December 28, 2008

an evening of bliss and regret
I remember barking out the window
through downtown Seattle
and sleeping under a desk

the best dream I have ever had
Spiderman pajamas and curly hair
I had met the love of my life
and her name was Ruth

a decision that needed to be made
you held my hand and walked me
through six months of what could never be
now you’re back and I’m scared shitless

the discovery of a new world
sword and shield in hand, I ran into
endless battle and made new friends
in Oklahoma and New Zealand

an afternoon in the April sun
who would think that something
as innocent as sidewalk chalk could
make a guy like me a threat?

a chance to return home
two magical days in the California sun
running through Tomorrow-land
living like a child once more

the longest night of spring quarter
somehow I ended up at the Ballard ER
thank god for paramedics or else
I would have lost a friend

a chance at love, freckles and all
we flew in the face of everyone who
thought it wouldn’t work out
she smelled like summer rain

speaking of summer!
it’s almost as if the days getting
longer expanded my heart
in more than one way

a few days spent by the river
we had crossed a few by the end
climbed a mountain and enjoyed
being men in the wild

coming back to that big blue box
old friends and new, it wasn’t ever
as bad as I made it out to be
plus the discount rocks

the second hardest decision
I would make this year, I just wish
that it had been in person and not
by text message

a welcome urban escape
checking out underground art
and grooving to a flawless concert
by my favorite band

a major transition, in a couple of ways
not only a new roommate but
some lines were drawn in the sand;
lines I knew I would have to cross

the late bloom of a spring flower
something told me that you knew
I know I have an awful poker face
and it wasn’t even the dreams

becoming a Roman!
perhaps more than just the lingo
picking up their mannerisms, like
leaving my mark on the world

reading a few books, after all
I had finished Rand and wanted to
immerse myself once again in
Tolkien’s Middle-Earth

the end of the quarter brought
more than just the end of classes
saying goodbye to a friend hurts
I wish that hug had lasted forever

stuck indoors, all my friends
immobilized by the blanket of
surprise December snow; at
least it was a white Christmas

they really ought to think of
a name for this week between
Christmas and New Year’s Eve
it’s a perfect time to reminisce

MSBQ