It ain’t one thing more than I found
When the sky’s like a big grey bruise
Mother Nature’s blanket thrown down
I got the wintry home blues

Snow has come in to stay
More than a foot they been saying
I’m stuck in a world of white and grey
Just some sunshine, I’ve been praying

It ain’t one thing more than I found
Wishin’ it was up to me to choose
Mother Nature’s blanket thrown down
I got the wintry home blues

The only thing that’s got me to smile
Is thinking ‘bout my girl, sweet thing
Sure ‘nough being gone is her trial
Wishing she was here to hear me sing

It ain’t one thing more than I found
Finding I’ve got nothing left to lose
Mother Nature’s blanket thrown down
Singing my wintry home blues

MSBQ

The world waited with long-held breaths
As the locals filled bars and living room screens
To usher in another new year. ‘Tis an annual party
Where we are all invited in one hour increments.

The first, a girl, dark hair pasted against her
Miniscule forehead from her turbulent arrival.
The second, another girl, gulped her first lung-
Full of air and belted out a squealing wail.

The doctors and nurses couldn’t help but smirk
At the strangeness of it all: two girls already so
Unlike that they seemed to have agreed upon it.
The first born in one year, the other quite after.

Though twins, their sisterhood became something
Of a joke. They were polar opposites in all the ways
One could think of for two people to be
Different.

MSBQ

Once again, it is the time of year where it is common to be nostalgic and think about the events of the past twelve months. It’s been quite a year for this planet Earth, and I think we can all agree that it won’t be one that is forgotten too easily.

As for myself, I think the overwhelming sense of déjà vu is what struck me the most. I am one test away from finally escaping graduating college for good and becoming a bonafide teacher. I’ve spent the last ten days in Laurel, Maryland visiting with family and enjoying some time off. I feel so blessed to have so many people in my life that have stuck by me, and I want each of you to know that I couldn’t have done any of this without help.

Reading through my past resolutions, it has also struck me that I have been so stubborn about where I’m going and “making things happen on my own steam” that I have fallen short of my goals. It is because I have people in my life who make me smile and tell me to get back on the horse that I have achieved everything I have thus far. So thank you. If you’re reading this, I probably talked to you or thought about you or, heck, even dreamt about you. Thank you for making 2011 a crazy year!

Let’s take a look at what I said I’d want to do last year:

1. Go to at least 5 live concerts this year.
I’m tired of always hearing about the most awesome show in the world. I WANNA GO!
While I didn’t make it to five shows, I did get a chance to see my favorite band live with my younger brother… and what an awesome show it was!

2. Talk to a publisher of some sort about putting out a collection of my work.
Who knows? Maybe someone out there will like what I have to say.
Getting your name out is harder than you would think. Thankfully, this last June, the poetry blog called Anatomy & Etymology published a handful of my work. My friend, Gabriel Gadfly, also published me via his site this year. With luck, there will be even more in the future.

3. Visit California, including the Happiest Place on Earth.
No dice here. I never got a chance to make the trip south this year. I still would like to though!

4. Help out a stranger in need.
I feel like I made a pretty distinct effort to help people out this year. Whether it was one of my students during my practicum or just talking to someone who needed an ego boost, I did my best to keep the morale high this year.

5. Graduate from SPU.
Hmmm. This continues to elude me. Those of you closest to me will know that this has been something I have truly struggled with this past year.

6. Start saving some money.
HA! Yeah, still not doing this one… But I’m getting better with what money I have, which, in its own right, is a major step in the right direction.

7. Get my own place again.
See, on this one I think I took a step backwards. In September I moved back in with my parents. They were gracious enough to accept me and have been more supportive than I probably deserve. Truth of the matter is that the stubborn, independent Capricorn side of me really just wants to spread its wings!

8. Sponsor a child in a third world country.
Check this one off the list. Twice this year, through an organization called PLAN, I donated money to education and survival needs of kids in central Africa. If I had the income to do a monthly donation, I would. This is something I think we can all benefit from as the human species.

9. Get a tattoo.
Nope. I think it’d be cool, but to be honest I think the pain issue has been as much of a factor as the financial one. Maybe this year will be the year I finally get inked?

10. Get a dog.
Thanks to the tumultuous summer I had, this one was quickly crossed off the list as not feasible. When I do have my own place, this one will be taken care of.

It’s funny how things work out, isn’t it? I have worked so hard and so long to become what I believe I meant and meant to become, and yet I still have a ways to go. Yeates once wrote that “education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire.” The more I have learned about myself, the more I have burned to become a better and brighter flame.

Let’s take a look at my resolutions for this year:

1. Get my bachelor’s degree and teaching certificate.
Pretty simple. I want to put SPU in the rearview mirror for good.

2. Continue to get my work published.
I really like sites like the ones who have already published me and I think it’s good for me to have the critical review.

3. Work on and/or finish the short-story I have already started.
It’s going to take some effort, but I think I’ve got what it takes.

4. Travel outside of the country (legally).
I’m not talking “Into the Wild” or anything. I just want to see somewhere new.

5. Send hand-written letters to my friends abroad.
I think there is something to be said about getting snail mail these days.

6. Read the Tolkien trilogy again.
I’m not sure how many times I’ve done this already, but I want to read it again.

7. Meet a famous author/poet face to face.
Listening to Neil Gaiman’s city hall lecture really got me inspired for this one.

8. Move back to Seattle.
I love my folks, but I feel like the emerald city is where I belong.

9. Get my own classroom.
Even if it was just as a substitute, I want to do what I love this year.

10. Start saving for my future.
I’m turning 25 in little over two weeks. It’s time I start thinking ahead.

Although I may not be at the local party with you, or giving a toast at your house this New Year’s, know that I am with you all in spirit. It’s my favorite holiday, after all. A new beginning, and a chance to start fresh. Have fun, and be safe, everyone.

MSBQ

Even though you hated them,
I always loved your eyes. There was
Something unnaturally reassuring
About one green and one blue;
A beautiful marriage on the
Spectrum of light that took me
By surprise when I first looked
Deep into them one evening.

Neither of us had seen the signs
Warning of winter’s loose grasp
On the frosty lake two miles out
From your back porch.
It was one of those risks you take
As a teenager and then, as an
Adult with years of mistakes
Sitting regrettably under you,
You shake your head and think
My god, what were we doing?

I’ll never forget that sound:
The easy creak and the ice flow
Separating just enough that
You slipped down into the lake,
Your last breath taken in a gasp.

I dove down after you, into the
Coldest water imaginable.
It wasn’t the temperature that
Bothered me the most, I think.
It was the impenetrable silence.
Our frantic movements should
Have raised a cacophony there,
Ripping the silence into shreds,
But it was perfectly quiet.
My lungs burned as I surfaced
For the first time, and I tried to
Take enough air for both of us.
The lake had grown too murky,
Or there was some current that
Had stolen you from me, for
Once I sunk down again to look
For any sign of your struggle,
I was met with a blank canvas
Of midnight blues and greys.

The firemen said that I was lucky
To have escaped the collapse.
I didn’t scream, though I admit
The impulse was there.
All I knew was the ache of cold,
Shattering my bones and stealing
Half of every breath I took.
They found you two weeks later,
Face up against the bottom of
A thinner layer of the lake’s ice.
Your eyes were still open, and
I could see the surprise of the cold
Had consumed your final moments.

An open casket wasn’t an option,
The time underwater had not been
Kind to your pale skin. Had it not
Been for my need to identify you
I might never have seen those eyes
Ever again; one green and one blue,
Perfectly still and gazing at some
Point on the horizon, past all
That we will ever know.

MSBQ